The Dreaded Blank Screen

When I get overwhelmed with life, I have plenty to say but no motivation to write about it.  Some of it relates to the fact that I am a strong believer in keeping most of my life private and not for the world to read about every detail of my life.  Today, it's mostly the fact that my kids won't leave me alone long enough to do anything without interrupting a million times a minute.  So why bother?  I haven't purposely made phone calls to friends and family to catch up on "chit chat" (as my kids call it) because they won't let me finish a sentence without interrupting me or the person I'm talking to.  With that being said, I am downright overwhelmed about life in general.

Too much on my plate

This is THE worst time to ask me for favors or to volunteer for anything.  As I put it to my pastor the other day, "you know how you take a nibble and then you realize you've bitten off more than you can chew?  Well, that's me."  I started teaching Sunday school at church, which in turn automatically volunteered me to help coordinate our Vacation Bible School this summer, I'm involved in our discipleship meetings which has a very broad spectrum of all the activities we are and will be involved in.  My specific obligation to that group is to create a brochure or a flier with images and what we're all about.  

It's Girl Scout cookie time and my garage is filled with over 150 cases of cookie boxes.  My youngest daughter has the flu so I can't deliver any of those cookies for a couple days. Not only do we need to deliver a gazillion cookies but I'm the coordinator for the whole thing = extra community service projects and cookie booths.

I'm starting to panic over being the photographer for my nephew's wedding reception, in which I don't have time to panic.

I took the dog to the vet yesterday.  He has panosteitis, which is a bone disease.  Thank God it's something he'll grow out of.  Basically it's like growing pains for dogs but it's in the bones.  He's on pain meds and he's going to be fine.  It will come and go and he'll grow out of it within the next six months until he's fully grown.  This is a picture of him doing "Doggie Yoga".  He does this a lot to stretch his legs from laying around so much.  It's hard not to laugh at him while he's doing this.

....and I got hit with a hard virus on my computer and again it's taken me several days to pinpoint that stupid thing and getting rid of it.  I think it's gone... I hope it's gone.  I've gone as far as paying for a virus program because I'm sick of viruses taking up my precious time.

So, with a blank screen staring at me at the beginning of this post, I sure had a lot to say.  If you're still with me, I want to make very clear that the amount of stuff that I have on my plate, I actually LOVE doing!  Before I would dread having to go to these activities or preparing for any of them, but not this time.  I'm super excited to see the kids every Sunday morning, I'm super excited to stand outside in the cold selling more cookies and I'm super excited for the opportunities to take photographs for something (someone) real.  My plate may be full but I'm tackling each and every one of them with a happy heart.  If only my kids could jump on that happy wagon with me while I'm dragging them to everything we (they) are involved in.  I thank God that I have the energy to do all this and the motivation as well.

Latest Gluten Free attempt:

I treated myself to gluten free pizza crust.  When the instructions say to make the pizza at least 14", make the darn thing 14"!  I had a 12" pizza pan and thought, "nah, a bit of a thicker crust will be fine..."  Umm.... BAD IDEA!  It took forever to bake and it was STILL gummy in the center and outer crust.  Although I could taste the potential it would've had, I won't give up on it.  I'll just take the directions a little more serious next time.

Garrulous Gibberish 2/13/13

Two weeks since I've written....  Time is flying by for me.  I've learned that not only are my kids happier the less time I spend on the computer, the happier I am as well.  When I try to steal a moment away to myself to write, someone comes up to me and asks me to do something or to resolve a fight.  I often wonder why I can't focus on one thing at a time, probably because my brain is already focusing on too many things at once, I can't possibly add one more thing.  "No!  I'm doing something right now... you'll have to wait...."  Yes, I say that way too much these days.

So my update on my gluten free "diet" thing:  I've lost 6 pounds and my jeans are getting big on me.  I've done happy dances in restaurant bathrooms because I was so happy I didn't touch the bread, passed up dessert and left the table not feeling like a balloon expanded in my stomach.  I have energy in the afternoons and I danced in the dining room with my daughter and granddaughter today to a Hannah Montana song.  I THINK I accidentally ate a meal at a restaurant one night that must have contained wheat because before we got home, I thought I was going to die with the most horrendous stomach cramps.  Needless to say, my plan to try something with wheat in it after a month of going wheat free is down the drain.  I'm too scared because I think I'd rather die than to eat wheat.

We went ice skating with my daughter's Girl Scout troop last weekend.  We had so much fun that we want to go back again.  As I was still hanging onto the wall to get used to my balance, Marcella was already around the rink three times.  How in the world....?!?!  Ellen took a little longer to learn her balance but she caught on pretty quickly.  After a couple of hours, all three of us were in the center rink spinning and turning.

Marcella was invited to a birthday party at a trampoline place last week.  I didn't want to take our nice camera in case there were a lot of people there.  When we got there, it was a private party and there weren't as many people there as I thought there would.  I kicked myself every minute of all the fantastic photos I could've taken.  So I relied on my stupid dinky cell phone camera, but at least I got a couple pictures to share with you.  I did however get on the trampolines and got some great exercise.

It is officially cookie season for Girl Scouts and I'm the Cookie Mom.  Needless to say, that's one of my many reasons why I don't get on the computer these days.  I love being the Cookie Mom.  Yeah, I'm crazy but I do like being busy and being in charge of something adult-like.  I've added a lot more activities on the girls this year so they can earn more patches and pins so that's added to my schedule as well.  There is a contest for the scouts that if they sell 24 more boxes (or more) between now and March 1, they can get their name into a drawing to win the Build-a-Bear Thin Mint bear.  I would love for Marcella to win that bear... then again, it might be a lot less work if we just go to the store and get it for her.  So, if anyone out there who hasn't ordered cookies yet, or think you may not have ordered enough cookies, shoot me an email!

That's it for my garrulous gibberish for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week!

I "Get" It - I Totally "Get" It

My girls are at my sister's house for a slumber birthday party.  My hubby is working.  That means.... the house is all to myself!  It's quiet here and I've got so much to do, but of course I'm wasting time.  My best time to write is at night when I'm most sentimental, tired, and can process the whole day as I'm winding down.  So I wanted to write my thoughts about my evening before tomorrow begins and a whole new set of thoughts kick in.

On my way home tonight, I got to visit my hubby at the fire station, which is something I don't get to do too often anymore.  Since he moves around to all the stations in the township, he just happened to be in the not-so-nice part of town when I called.  He reminded me of the directions to get there but instructed me to stay in the car and call him so he could come out and walk me into the station.  This isn't uncommon as most of the time I don't know the code to get in the station so he has to come out and get me anyway.  But this station is different.  This is the kind of area you don't want to get out of the car anyway when you're passing through.  As I was leaving the station to go home, I noticed a list of addresses on the white board that contains messages, announcements and fire-related stuff.  There was a list of addresses with notes.  I wish I had thought to take a picture of the list but I figured it wouldn't have been allowed since they were actual addresses.  The notes after the addresses were like the following:

• No floor boards
• Stuff stacked to the ceiling on second floor
• Used syringes all over the floor
• 15 kids living there
• 10+ pit bulls
• Hoarder - 10 cats, 6 dogs and 1 goat, all dead
• Active TB
• Abandoned
• Gangland - wait for police

DetroitDecadence.wordpress.com - Makkin

These are notes for the firemen so if a fire is called for that residence, the firemen are warned of what kind of setting they will be arriving at.  The list I saw was not complete as there were way too many to list on the white board.  I couldn't help but giggle at the list, mostly at how they put the notes on the board but also a giggle of "how can anyone live like that?".  Once I was safely in my car and my hubby was in his truck and off to his rounds, I continued home and that's when all the mixed feelings flooded my brain.

• How can people live like that?
• They don't know any better, that was the way they were raised.
• They don't care about anything but that moment's moment.
• 15 kids in one small house??????  one house???  That probably didn't include all the other relatives, too.
• Sickening.

http://blogs.citypages.com - Adam Craven

Then I became angry.  Those are the types of houses my loving husband has to enter when there's a fire or a medical emergency.  My husband and the men he works with not only put their lives in danger to fight a fire, but also in other dangers such as entering a house with used syringes laying all over the floor, or active TB in the environment of the house.  This is why I have created my "perfect little bubble", the best way I know how to protect my family.  I will raise my children with manners, respect and a good education so stuff like that would not happen to my precious children.

I get it now.  I totally get why my husband comes home and gets perturbed when the house is a mess.  When there's fingerprints all over the glass door or when the girls (accidentally) write on their bedroom wall or dresser.  I totally get when my husband wants to rush off to the store and buy new clothes for the girls when one pair of their jeans gets a hole, why he gets into a cleaning frenzy when there's crumbs on the kitchen counter.  These people that my husband has to deal with while he's at work is why he works as hard as he does so that his family would never be put in a situation like that list above.

Now, will the house occasionally be a mess when my hubby gets home from work?  Sure!  Will our feet occasionally stick to the floor when I haven't gotten around to mopping it for over a week?  Sure!  Will there still be mold in the toilet because I haven't gotten around to scrubbing it out yet?  Absolutely!  But I totally and utterly get why my husband has developed an OCD on cleanliness.  I "get" it - I totally "get" it.


Dedicated to my wonderful husband, Jeff.  I love you so much!

Garrulous Gibberish

I'm skipping out on Wordless Wednesday this week only because I haven't touched my camera in over a week.  I wanted to take the Picture a Day challenge from someone's blog... I'm sorry I don't even remember who that was.  That challenge is still on my to-do list and I'm sure there are plenty of good photos on my camera that I could use but I feel like I'm in such a slump because I'm tired of taking pictures indoors.  I've got Spring Fever and I always get it bad this time of year.  As I hear the rain dump down by buckets outside,  it's a constant reminder that again I won't be able to get out and walk the dog... at least for now.

I have so many things on my mind that I need to get them written down before I forget.  My Notes app on my phone is full of ideas to write about but yet life happens everyday and there's never enough time to sit at my favorite spot in front of my computer and write.  That's okay.... for now.

Update

I have officially completed 14 days of gluten free.  Very successful, I might add!  Two weeks flew by and so far my only struggle is when my kids ask for chicken nuggets for lunch.  I'm not even that crazy about chicken nuggets but as they leave one or two on their plates, it was such a habit for me to eat them so they don't go to waste.  Tsk tsk!  Such a bad habit to break as a parent!  I'm learning that my calorie intake everyday was so high because I eat after the kids, I snack while I cook and 3:00 is my worst time of the day when the kids get home and ask for a treat.  That was when I was the most tired, most unmotivated and most craving sugar.  Damn you, Oreos!   Writing down everything I eat has helped tremendously and I've cut my calorie intake by half, easily.  I'm still only down three pounds but at least my jeans still fit me better. I've passed up bread, alcohol and my favorite appetizer at two restaurants this week.  I will confess that I did a happy dance in the bathroom one of those nights.

Sugar Challenge

To make a long story short, I put my kids on a No Sugar Challenge for five days.  Such torture!  Their incentive was going to Galaxy Golf to play right after school.  They were very excited and made it through the first two days with little encouragement needed.  The third day was harder because they asked daddy for a fruit roll up while I was walking the dog and blew their efforts out of the water.  Yes, Daddy sabotaged their challenge but the kids were equally to be blamed for even asking in the first place.  They are kids, afterall and I can't fault them for that.  But I will say that those three days were wonderful!  Ellen wasn't whining over everything and the meltdowns around dinnertime were gone.... until she had that fruit roll up.  That night she had a meltdown and the kids have been fighting ever since.  Needless to say, we didn't go to Galaxy Golf.

A New Chapter?

Since I made the link to my new Marcellen Photography link, I have, all of a sudden, two events scheduled to take pictures at.  My nephew-in-law and his wife are having a wedding reception this March and my sister and her husband are renewing their wedding vows in May and they both have asked me to take pictures.  I have zero experience and no proper equipment (besides the camera) and I have no clue about what I'm doing!  They know that and that's why they've asked me.  I have to start somewhere and I'm so thankful that both of these events are informal and small, and so thankful they asked me!  I'm so excited... but with a little (okay, a lot) of panic mixed in!

This is a lot to read so I will sign off with a little conversation that my sweet little 5-year-old Ellen and I had in the car yesterday:

www.flickr.com/ Stephen Neven

The sky was turning gray and looking like it's going to rain...

Ellen:  Is it going to thunder?
Me:  No, we don't get thunder in the winter.  Just rain.
Ellen:  What if it does thunder?
Me:  Then we'll get a lot of rain.
Ellen:  What if we die?
Me:  Then we get to go to Heaven.
Ellen:  (very excitedly) ... and we'll get to see Koda! (our last dog who passed away)
Me:  Yeah!  Wouldn't be so bad, huh?
Ellen:  When will I die?
Me:  Not for a very very very very very very long long long long long long time, when you're old and your hair is gray and you're all wrinkly.
Ellen:  Like you?

Oh, God love her!

Second conversation, just a minute later:

We were pulling into her school parking lot and as we rounded the corner, she pointed to a window in the far side of her school and said, "That's Ms. Williams' classroom."

"Yeah?  All the way down there?" I said.

"Yeah.  She's so romantic!"

Oh the stuff these kids pick up from their Disney movies!!!

Have a blessed day!

Going Gluten Free Day 7

You know, I thought I'd have a meltdown by now with so many things I can't eat.  Most of the food in my house has some form of wheat, but when I stood back and really thought about healthy food vs. junk food, I had a lot more food in my house I CAN eat.  Just like Shauna said over at Gluten Free Girl, after a while, it gets easier and then you'll get to the point where you WON'T want those old foods you used to crave.  You won't have to think so hard.  I think that's the best advice I could've gotten from the very start and encouraging.

So it's been 7 whole days since I've gone gluten free.  I have yet to have a meltdown and I have yet to be disappointed that my family is eating something I want but can't have.  Now, I'm sure that day will come and it's going to be hard.  I'm not kidding myself here, but I love to cook and bake so I'm confident that I will find some kind of recipe of the like to satisfy me.

I had made beef vegetable soup the other day.  When I went to grab my (organic) beef broth, I noticed it had wheat in it.  Yeah!  Beef broth has wheat.  I was not happy as I had extra kids in my house and my husband just got home from work and was tired, and I wanted to run to the store to buy gluten free beef broth.  Needless to say, I didn't get my soup for lunch that day but it was worth the wait for the next day's lunch.  While I was at the store, I found quinoa which is like rice but has no wheat or barley in it.  Oh I found my new-found food love!  That stuff is so good and it goes great by itself with a little bit of butter, and it also was great added in my soup.  It's a very versatile item but oh-so-expensive!!!

Ok, so they look more like cookies.  But I will say,
they are HORRIBLE the next day, even
warmed up in the microwave.  

Last night as I was eating the last of the soup, I made gluten free biscuits.  I was surprised how good they tasted.  They weren't fluffy and flaky but the taste was there and Marcella ate half of the batch.  You can get the recipe here if you're interested.  Baking gluten free, dairy free, soy free, etc is very difficult to do, I think because I don't have a clue of what I'm doing!  I know how to knead yeast dough to make a light and fluffy texture but working with wheat-free flour is a bit different.  I'm staying positive about all this because I'm taking it like a learning project.  A challenge.

How am I feeling?  Still down 3 pounds, but it's only been a week.  My jeans fit me better and I stopped craving sweets in the afternoons.  I'm not crashing on the couch as soon as I sit down and I've had a lot more patience for my kids in the evenings.  Is it a wheat thing? Probably more of a sugar thing.  My skin is healing, which is a wheat thing and I seem to be sleeping better, too.  I've had one craving so far:  chicken nuggets.  My kids eat those almost everyday and the brand that we have are my favorite.  I know they're good so it's hard for me to not take that last nugget off their plate when they're done eating.  Drinking lots of water helps and getting as much sleep as possible...which most times is almost impossible in this house!

Is there anyone out there with a diet challenge?  It's always nice to have a partner on a journey to help support each other.  Please leave a comment or contact me through email Jillzy @ columbus . rr . com 

I'd love to hear your story!

Going Gluten Free. What?!

Four days ago, my life changed.  I officially found out that I have a wheat gluten sensitivity/allergy.  I've had a suspicion for quite some time and by process of elimination, I was able to figure it out on my own, but now I know for sure.  I visited the Advanced Wellness Center and got a muscle test done by a holistic doctor.

So here's what I figured out:

Whenever I ate wheat bread, the next day my face would be broken out in acne.  I changed from wheat bread to Ezekiel bread, which is a sprout-type bread.  It helped, but I was still breaking out, especially around "that time of the month".  I got tired of feeling tired, especially in the afternoons and by dinner time, I was so unmotivated, I could care less what my family ate for dinner.

I can't lose weight.  I've been trying for four years now.  Nothing has worked and I mean nothing, to the point where I've given up and refused to try anymore.  Why bother?

Sugar - I've always had a problem with sugar but for the past year, I couldn't function without it.  I am hypoglycemic, which means my body has severe highs and lows when I eat anything with sugar.  I know that, but I continued to choose to eat sugary foods in the afternoons.  It was the only way I felt I could get through the afternoon and evenings.  By 10:30, I was falling asleep on the couch with my husband wondering if he had become boring to me.

This is no life at all!

So I hit rock bottom hard enough that I decided I was sick of myself.  I know what I need to do to gain energy and focus, lose weight and be healthy.  I just didn't want to do it anymore.  That's when I went to go get help.  If I have to pay someone to help me, even if it's to tell me what I already know, then that was good enough to kick my rear end back in gear.

So I have a gluten allergy.  What does that mean?  It means that I have a lot to learn.  I have to read the labels on everything.  I have to learn to cook more meals and shop differently.  Then only after two days, I had my first meltdown when I realized everything in my house contains wheat.  EVERYTHING!  Ok, I'm exaggerating just a little, but as hungry as I was that morning, I didn't want to eat eggs for a fifth day in a row.    I realized that I have to give up a lot of my favorite foods, even my Ezekiel bread and yes, junk food.  Not only do I have to avoid wheat, I also have to avoid soy and sugar.  Soy is in everything.  Even in my olive oil cooking spray and my coffee creamer.  Oh, my beloved coffee creamer, which by the way is one of THE worst things you can consume!  I have basically ruined myself by eating what's mostly provided for us in the grocery stores:  processed, pre-packaged and artificially man-made foods.  Foods that contain so much crap, that I've developed a hormonal imbalance, lack of weight loss and now allergies.

But I'm not to despair!

I'm not mourning over this consequence I've been presented.  I'm seeing it as a challenge.  No wonder eliminating wheat bread out of my diet wasn't enough to help heal my acne issue.  I was consuming way more wheat everyday than I realized.  Did you know that there's wheat in enriched white flour?  Soy sauce?  Creamed soups?  ALL kinds of pastas?  Because of my super lack of energy in the afternoons kept me from making a decent meal for my family, we ended up having pasta a lot more often than I ever allowed us to.  There's wheat in anything that's breaded, most creamy sauces, sprouts (yes, my beloved bread) and beer (barley).  The list goes on.

Four days have passed since I've eliminated wheat from my diet.  A friend pointed out tonight at 8:00 that I looked so awake and energetic.  It's 1:00 am and I'm not bobbing my head at the keyboard.  My stomach isn't bloated anymore and I've already lost three pounds.  My face is already clearing up and healing and I've got more focus.

So I'm not mourning over this challenge.  It's going to be difficult but I'm eager to learn because I've already seen results.  I'm so excited that I can now begin to heal.

Whining and Complaining - Ugh!

I learned rather quickly in life how negative people can suck the life out of someone.  I've learned hard lessons growing up about choosing friends, but it wasn't until I grew up was when I finally learned to pick and choose my friends wisely.  I don't hang around negative people and if I'm friends with someone who has a negative attitude, I take them in very small doses.  Eventually, I surrounded myself with only positive, happy people.

"You are who you hang with."

When I was in college and living on my own, I drove a dinky little Geo Metro.  I had no air conditioning, one radio station because I broke the antennae while washing it one day, and my tape deck played music in techno speed.  One warm summer day, I was late for work and swerving in and out of traffic just trying to gain any minute I could, I got stuck at a traffic light and immediately yelled, "come on!  [fill in the blanks here]" because the person in front of me waited too long to turn left.  I stopped, took a breather and realized,  (crap!) my windows were down.  Since it was a nice day, everyone around me had their windows down too.  Needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed.

Negative people complain and whine about anything.

Lately, I've been cooking and trying to keep our fridge stocked up with fresh produce.  Our fridge tends to get over stuffed with leftover containers and occasionally somewhat questionable veggies.  When you try to get something out, something else always falls out.  It's so easy to complain how annoying it is when you try to reach into the fridge and half of it falls out on you.  I've learned to see it as a blessing instead.

Let's complain:  LAUNDRY  

My granddaughter's face shows it all.  Laundry is scary!  This particular day took me 16 hours to complete.  I started it at 6:30 in the morning and I had just finished it up around 10:45 that night.  As you all know, laundry is hard work but no one ever seems to complain when laying their head down on a fresh, crisp pillow case at night or breathing in a freshly bleached towel when getting out of the shower.  Laundry is a blessing because that means I have clothes to wear and blankets to stay warm in.

Let's complain:  WAITING IN LINE

Oh Heaven forbid we have to wait in line!  Have you ever notice yourself getting really impatient when you have to wait 30 seconds for your food to be done in the microwave?  30 seconds.  Seconds!  We can now fast forward through commercials (thank you cable!), install high speed internet, use our Smartphones to do whatever we want, when we want, wherever we want.  Standing in line can be a blessing because it would give us a chance to share a smile, make small talk with someone, say a prayer, stop and breathe.

Let's complain:  JOB

At least you have a job.  'Nuff said.

It's so easy to whine and complain.  Just ask my kids. Try one day to find something positive in every situation you're tempted to complain about.  God only makes good days.  It's up to us to keep it that way by seeing the good in it.  God gives us flowers all the time, He paints the sky for us everyday and sends us blessings through friends and family.  It's up to us to see the good in it all!

"...give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."  Psalm 100: 4-5.

Wordless Wednesday 1/16/13

Happy Wordless Wednesday everyone!

I always get Spring fever this time of year.  I found these pictures I took last year in the Spring and Summer. 

***Sigh***

The Best Sleepover Ever!

My 8-year-old daughter, Marcella had a sleepover this past weekend.  I'm not always the biggest fan of sleepovers because Ellen is not old enough to have sleepovers yet and she tends to feel left out, especially if Marcella and her friend want nothing to do with her.  I know that Ellen has to learn that she will have a sleepover someday and yada yada, but this sleepover was different.  Marcella's friend never second guessed having Ellen around and Marcella miraculously followed suit.  There were times when Marcella was going to speak up and say she didn't want Ellen to play, but when her friend automatically included her, Marcella went along and found that it wasn't so bad having her little sister hang around afterall.  Once they included Ellen in on the fun for a short time, Ellen was ready to have her own time for a while and left them alone.  I was so impressed by the way the kids behaved, I wanted to adopt this little girl!

...And because no one fought or whined or complained, I wanted to be part of the fun, too!  The girls asked to have facials done.  Ellen and I created a "spa" in the kitchen and we took care of Marcella and her friend like they were at a real spa.  We gave them warm washcloths and made a facial mask out of oatmeal and honey.  Marcella's friend allowed Ellen to take care of her and I took care of Marcella.  No one argued over that!

They even requested cucumbers with their facials.   This was all their idea!

Giving facials was way too fun, the girls continued to get along and included Ellen, too.

Ellen gets to sleep in a fort when Marcella has a sleepover.

Sleepovers are so much fun when everyone gets along.  I wish my girls would act this way all the time.

Wordless Wednesday 1/9/13

Happy Wordless Wednesday everyone!  I couldn't help but post a few pics of my granddaughter.  She can sleep anywhere!

Have a great day!!!