Dusting Cobwebs

It's time to dust off the cobwebs in my little corner of the Internet as it has been 11 weeks and 6 days since I've last written anything.  Well, I've written a couple of Yahoo! articles, which took the featured page and I became one of the top 500 writers of Yahoo!.  That's an accomplishment for me, but sadly those couple of articles that hit my pages hard still didn't keep my writing motivation alive.  It feels good to be back, I think.  As my fingers hit each key on the keyboard, it feels like home.  Like a comforting feeling I had as a child come swarming back to me, but still I'm only half motivated to continue.  I've got lots to say and so much has happened in the past three months.  I could blog for a couple of weeks of all the craziness my life has brought, but yet this is taking a lot of effort to get this far in writing anything.  This sounds sad, like I'm closing a chapter in my life, but that's not how I'm looking at this.  I saw these last few months as a way of God trying to change the paths in my life, like spending time at the computer is not where God has wanted me to be for a while.  There were other things that God was trying to get me to turn to and I still haven't figure out what that path is.  To be bluntly honest, I've had blinders on my eyes this whole time, wasting time playing games on the iPad, talking on the phone and creating excuses to not get anything done.  Have I been sitting around doing nothing?  Absolutely not! 

Medication...

After four years of guidance from my doctor, she finally allowed me to be on a prescription medication to lose weight.  No matter what I did, no matter how much exercise I'd done, eating less, eating more, starving myself, feeding myself, trying fad diets, entering weight loss challenges.... NOTHING was helping me lose weight.  While on this medicine, my life became even more crazy because my motivation to do anything and everything skyrocketed.  I loved it, but I hated it.  I had no appetite (score!), I was crazy motivated to stay busy all day (score!), but my family suffered because I had absolutely no appetite and nothing sounded good to me so I didn't cook much.  I was so motivated to do many things at once that my family suffered because I was too busy doing "(un)necessary" things to keep my energy level at bay.  All I had accomplished was increased dizzy spells, horrendous headaches, constant chaos and only a couple pounds less.  It was so not worth it!

Damn colds....

Then the weather got colder, my energy level dropped and then I got sick.  But I can say that the headaches went away, the dizzy spells were more under control and because of that, I became a bit more motivated to accomplish the important tasks.  I actually cleaned out two closets and a kitchen cabinet, cleaned behind major appliances, cleaned out one child's bedroom, donated blankets and coats to the homeless and started doing crafts with my children.  Sounds good, right?  Yes, but no. 

Ugh!  Excuses, Excuses....

Why am I telling the world all this?  Especially in a novel-size blog post to readers who don't have time to read this much?  Because I need to make myself accountable for hitting rock bottom.  I feel that sometimes I have to hit rock bottom to realize I'm going down the wrong path.  To remind myself that I can't hack this life without God and when I go this long without praying much, asking for help and working on my relationship with God that I get all out of whack and I can't get it together.  Tonight was a good example when 5:00 rolled around and I still didn't have dinner planned.  We ended up having fried chicken and french fries for dinner just before we ran really late for our evening program that none of us was really motivated to go to.  I've got lots of praying to do and it has a lot to do with changing these new bad habits that I've created.

Some good stuff....

These past three months haven't been bad.  We've gathered tons of apples from an apple farm and I made six apple pies for Thanksgiving (all from scratch), I've perfected (well, working on) my technique for baking bread, made a green tomato pie, got a new puppy and I've accomplished many other little tasks that have made me feel good about myself.  All of these new things will keep you in suspense as I will talk about them in my future blog posts, so stay tuned!

I miss all of you and your life journeys since I've been away.  I don't know if I will be writing again soon or if I will wake up tomorrow morning high on life and ready to get back to writing (and reading).  At this point, I'm taking it day by day;  not to "sweat the small stuff" and be patient while God works His wonders in my life.  I could really use some miracles!!

And before I leave ya, all blog posts need a picture.  Here are just a couple to get ya started!

God Bless!