Back to "Normal"

I don't know if you call what I've been doing "normal" but that's what we slid into when we got home from the hospital.  Our "vacation" at Children's Hospital was almost 3 weeks long and when the doctors said Ellen could go home, I panicked.

"What do you mean she can go home tomorrow???  Don't you want to observe her for another day or two?"

Her x-rays looked good and they convinced us she would do more healing at home than at the hospital.  And right they were!  We can't keep our little Ellen down.  Luckily we went right into Spring Break when we got home so she had all week to rest up and build up energy.  After that, Ellen went back to school full days without a blink of an eye.  She was nervous of course.  She was worried that her friends would "mob" her and the boys would want to hug her.  I don't blame her, although when I was her age, I would've loved the attention.  My oldest daughter had made a welcome sign for her at school so when the kids got there, they all saw it.  Ellen loved it.  For as much as my daughters fight with each other, Ellen's illness was a blessing in disguise.  They started getting along and Marcella has been very understanding and supportive of Ellen.  I could just cry when my girls get along.  They can be so sweet to each other!

Ellen can start tumbling and she is so excited about that!  Just in time for cheer tryouts, too!

We have been home for 3 weeks and it's so hard to believe all we've been through.  In one eye, the time dragged on forever when I think about how long Ellen was sick (almost 8 weeks!) but in the other eye, it flew by so fast, it feels like she was never sick at all.

Surreal.

God is good.  He really does hear us when we pray.  It has been so overwhelming of the love and support from so many people.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  

- James 1:12

Being Heard

I'm sitting in Children's Hospital and I don't feel God's presence here very much. There's nothing religious here except for the chapel. The chapel is a quiet place but it makes me uncomfortable to sit there and meditate on the cross. I've never felt uncomfortable near a cross, but here I do because it's surrounded by all the other religious gods and symbols. I feel I'm betraying my Lord by meditating in front of those as well. Because I don't know those symbols or what those religions are symbolizing, I can't stop staring at them while I'm there. I've tried kneeling down in front of the cross but then I feel I'm worshiping the others too. I have a mental  block in this chapel. I ask God to be with me but I just don't feel Him there. I give up and walk out. The only way I have time with God is in the wee hours of the morning when the nurses come in for vitals and medicine. I read some devotions and hope to fall back to sleep.  I love when my devotions hit me right where I'm hurting.  I would feel encouraged and reassured that I'm not alone and God IS listening. 

On the lonely nights when I feel alone I think of all the people who have commented on my Facebook posts.  So many people are praying for my little girl, and then when I feel even lonelier, someone will tell me they put Ellen on their prayer chain at their church.  So far I've counted about five prayer chains that I know of.  Begging God to hear me is unnecessary because all I have to do is think about all the people praying for Ellen.  I know my miracle will happen. Being patient is the hardest thing to do sometimes.

What Is a Mother's Job?

What is my job as a mother?  I assume it's the same as all mothers:

To love our children, provide for them, take care of them, protect them and do whatever it takes to make them happy.  Right?

When Ellen was admitted into the hospital for pneumonia I went through different stages.

Fear and confusion: When urgent care told me to go straight to the ER and quickly. Even then I still had no idea how sick she really was.  One of the most hardest things in life for me is to hold back tears of sadness and tears of fear in front of my children.  When I couldn't stop the tears, my daughter got scared and started crying too.

Teach my children to be strong but it's still okay to cry.

Mission Mode: Swing by the house (even though we weren't supposed to) and gathered up clothes, toothbrush and pajamas because I knew Ellen wasn't coming home for a while. Listen to the doctors, do what they say, answer their million questions, fill out forms. This also goes into the Fear and Confusion Mode. 

Teach my children to always be prepared.

(No) Sleep Mode. 4 am with being awake for almost 24 hours and still million more questions running through my mind, I finally fall into slumber only to be woken every half hour by nurses, doctors and noises all around. More questions and overload of orientation info.

Teach my children to be patient.

Whatever It Takes Mode:  Whatever it took to get my daughter to cooperate, comfort her, get her better. The look in her eyes when I allowed these doctors to hurt her by inserting an IV and stick her finger for blood tests. I'm her mother. My job is to protect her, kiss the boo boos away and I'm allowing these doctors to give her pain.

Teach my children that sometimes pain can be a good thing.

Prayer Mode:  Praying and more praying. Not demanding answers but asking for protection and successful surgery. Guidance for the doctors and begging for super strength to get through this. Strength for my daughter. 

Teach my children the power of prayer and to believe in miracles.

Crying Mode:  While Ellen was in surgery, promising her I would not ever leave her side, the surgeon kicked me out once she was asleep so they can do their job.  Then when I found my way through the hospital maze, I found the chapel. Kneeling down in front of the cross I couldn't even pray because I was crying so hard, wanting to hurry up and cry as fast as I can before someone came in and saw me.  I'm supposed to be strong, right? 

Teach my children that it's okay to cry.

Hunger Mode:  I'd never felt so hungry. Almost 24 hours without eating anything, I scarfed my food down so I could get back to the surgery waiting room in case Ellen got done early. I promised her I'd be the first thing she'll see when she woke up. 

Teach my children to keep their promises.

Panic Mode:  Surgery took an extra 15 minutes expected because she lost two teeth and they couldn't find one of them and had to do extra X-rays.

Teach my children that surprises happen and to learn to roll with the punches.

Relief... for now.

Irritated Mode: Leave us alone!  Let us sleep. Stop talking so loud. Make your pager thing stop beeping every 5 seconds. Make that G-D IV beeping stop. Seriously? X-rays at 4:45am???? Let her sleep!!!!! 

Teach my children that kindness goes a long way.

Anger Mode: How could this have happened? Why?  Why couldn't I have seen the signs?  Why didn't I demand an x-ray at the first doctor's appointment?

Teach my children that life is full of unanswered questions and learn to accept that.

Then back to prayer mode, where I will stay.

***

My little girl's lung was nearly completely full of fluid from pneumonia. The doctors are amazed how well she looked and how well she was functioning on only one lung. She was still going to cheer practice and we had no idea. Ellen had no idea she was sick.  I had no idea she was THIS sick. 

Thank God 7-year-olds don't know what "failure" means because that's how I feel. The doctors assured me that we did everything right. We made the right phone calls at the right time. Ellen has such a high tolerance for pain and didn't show any other symptoms that even the doctors are amazed.  She was functioning on one lung and she's still so strong and brave!

Worried Mode:  My baby doesn't want to see her friends. She doesn't want visitors. She's bored out of her mind. She has enough activities, books, crafts and games to keep her occupied for a month and her eyes look so blank. Children need fresh air. They need sunlight.  Cabin fever has set in for all of us.

Teach my children that it's okay to feel like crap when you don't feel good.

***

As I lay awake in the wee hours of the morning listening to all the hospital sounds, including my stomach growling, I wonder: Why did God let this happen?  What am I supposed to learn from this?  How is this supposed to teach me to be a better mother?

I keep telling Ellen we have to take this journey day by day and do our best to be patient.  We have to trust God and know that He will heal my baby and we will rise above this!

That's what I'm teaching my children.

Happiness Project - Crochet Part 2

I was warned...

AFTER I learned to crochet that crocheting is addicting.  I really thought I'd stop after a scarf and hat until I found a link with Spring and Summer scarf patterns.  I've always hated Youtube.  I can rewind and rewind again, over and over when something doesn't make sense but the video doesn't change.  I can't ask questions to make sure I'm doing it right.  Somehow, I ended up with this love/hate relationship with Youtube and all of a sudden I have saved videos of crochet projects I want to do.  After all the frustrating hours of learning the basics of crocheting, it finally clicked for me.

I get it!

Now I can't stop crocheting!

So, here are my next two projects:

My hat turned out really big.  So big, I can't wear it.  Michael's craft store has become my second home.  I'm addicted to the yarn aisle.  So I went back, got more yarn and I'm planning on doing this hat again.  At least not until I figure out how to make this hat a lot smaller... and with different colors.  It looks like a mushroom on my head.  No foolin'!  (and no, you won't see a picture!)

Next, my new scarf:

This is a great project to use up scrap yarn.  Even though I don't really have much scrap yarn yet, I went and bought "scrap" yarn.  Now I have tons of it!  But this scarf turned out perfect!  I love it and it's so fun.  It's way too long, but I won't complain when I'm turning into a Popsicle at the bus stop and I can wrap it around my head 'one more time'.  I learned that my scarves are more successful when I work on them horizontally instead of vertically.

I told my husband I have to go get more yarn.  His reply:  "Really? Ok..."  That really shocked me, especially when my big bag of yarn spilling over the top was sitting right next to him.

Yes, I need more yarn!

Happiness Project - Sewing

I was the Karate Kid only with sewing.

Wax on, wax off...

Actually, it was sew line, turn... sew line, turn...  a million times.

Then blind stitch in... out, blind stitch in... out.... a million times.

I made hand warmers as my little "giveaway" gifts for Christmas.  I didn't intend for that to happen.  I was "helping" a good friend of mine make mermaid tails for my daughters for Christmas from their grandparents.  When Laurie came over, she fixed my sewing machine and viola!  It became a sewing machine again.

I really wanted to make something so I stopped at Joann's to get a couple remnants and make my own hand warmers.  Simple enough, right?  I ended up with a lot more fabric than I thought so I kept making more.  Actually, I kept making more because each one would turn out a little better than the last.  Then I realized these would make great gifts.

Sew line, turn... sew line, turn...

This process didn't make my sewing machine like me any more, really.  I think it still hates me, but I ended up with usable hand warmers.  I filled the little buggers with rice and lavender and they work great.

I added a little poem and a piece of yarn...

Here's the poem if you're interested.  Feel free to use the poem if you want, but please give me some credit.

Want to see the mermaid tails?  These babies will blow my sad little hand warmers out of the water!  My friend Laurie was such a trooper through the whole thing.  I owe her a really great dinner out very soon!!!

I also learned that I really want to like sewing but no matter how hard I try, sewing doesn't like me back.  I've never been known to quit and I'll keep at something until I get good at it.  I've had material for over a year now to make sundresses for my granddaughters and their doll babies.  Yes, I shall conquer my sewing machine!!!

Climbing Up the Walls

Being my daughter's gymnastics team Team Mom, my Team Mom partner and I set up a team bonding activity for the girls.  We all went to Kinetic Climbing, which is an indoor rock climbing facility.  Tony, the owner opened his facility exclusively for us on a holiday off from school and they spent the day climbing and doing team building exercises.  The girls had so much fun, they are still talking about it!

Here, the girls had to create a squirrel out of Legos blindfolded.

One of the biggest hits that day was climbing up crates.  The girls had to work on encouraging each other and not let anyone give up.  They liked it so much, most of the girls did it more than once.

They even made me do it!

I'm always willing to try anything new.  I was up for the challenge.  I even surprised myself that day.  I didn't think I'd get that high!

Tony's goal was to wear the girls out and that he did!  Not only did they rock climb for 5 hours and do team bonding activities, he put them through conditioning too.  Later that night, they still had to go to gymnastics practice.  These girls are tough!

Happiness Project - Crochet

It seems the older I get, the harder it is for me to learn something new.  I'm not saying I'm old by any means.  I've always said and I always will,

"I won't be old until I'm 92, and then I won't have to be old because I'll still walk to Bingo everyday."

Part of my Happiness Project was to learn how to crochet.  I wanted to make my own scarf and hat for this winter.  I'm a little behind on my schedule but at least I got something accomplished.  I asked a good friend of mine to come over and teach me how to crochet.  I ran off to the store to buy all the yarn I needed, crochet hooks and a threading needle expecting to whip out at least a hat in one afternoon.  Much to my dismay, I didn't get very far.  It took all afternoon just to get a basic stitch down.  My fingers didn't want to cooperate with me and I swore the yarn didn't like me either.

I wanted to give up.  I almost did.  But I don't give up.  It's not in my nature.  Besides quitting the track team in 7th grade because not only was I horrible at track,I hated it and I haven't given up on anything since.  Ever.

I had a battle in my mind:

"Give it up!  You'll never get it..."

"Don't you give up.  You'll get it.  Keep trying..."

"Forget it.  I don't have time for this stupid crap. I should just pay someone to make a scarf for me...."

"This scarf will be great and you'll love it..."

"Don't let the girls see you give up on something..."

I was almost in tears a few times.  I took huge chunks of my scarf out to re-do it several times.  I knew it wasn't going to be perfect but I wanted it to be something I'd be proud to wear.  I was about 3/4 of the way done when it finally clicked for me.  You can see it in the photo:

 But lo and behold!  A scarf was born!

The scarf wears me but I don't care.  It's warm and it hasn't fallen apart yet.  Next step:  a hat.

So I started looking up patterns to make a hat and all those frustrated feelings came back.  I even tried Youtube, (which I hate) but since I've got a basic stitch down, I thought I could follow a simple youtube video on how to make a hat.

I can do this!  I can!

Double Berry Pops

I found this fantastic treat recipe in the Gluten-Free Bible.

Double Berry Pops

2  cups plain yogurt (I used vanilla flavored)
1  cup blueberries
3  TB sugar
6  5-oz Dixie cups (plastic or paper) or pop molds
1  cup strawberries
6  pop sticks

1. Combine 1 cup yogurt, blueberries and 1 1/2 TB sugar.  Blend until smooth.

2. Pour mixture into cups and freeze one hour.  After one hour, add the sticks.

3.  Combine 1 cup yogurt, strawberries and 1 1/2 TB sugar.  Blend until smooth.

4. Pour over blueberry layer.  Freeze for at least 4 hours.  Cover with foil if needed.

5.  To serve, peel away paper cup or gently twist frozen pops out of the plastic cups or molds.

Tips:  Try other flavors such as orange and lemon, using grated lemon and orange peels; key lime and orange, or make the berry pops all one flavor.

These were a huge hit with my kids.  No artificial flavors or aspartame (if using original yogurt brands and not lite), low in sugar and healthy fruit.

Enjoy!!!

Chore Charts

It feels good to not have so much going on at once.  It feels good to get caught up on sleep, to not have to be running around all over the place and actually finish up the million little projects around the house.  Now with the kids out of school, I've made it clear that I will not be doing all the work around here by myself while everyone else gets to play all day.  I wasn't very motivated to make yet another chart on the computer and have the kids put stickers on each chore and have them lose interest after a day or two. So I adopted an idea for chores off of Pinterest by GingerSnapCrafts.com.

Each child picks a color.  Paint one-half of the Popsicle or craft stick and write the chore on the other.  If your sticks are big enough, a small mason jar works perfectly but I had these little containers that worked better with Popsicle sticks.

Each child gets a container.

 Then I put them in a larger container to keep them all together.  A pretty basket would work great, too.

Once the child completes the chore, the Popsicle stick gets turned upside down.  When all the colors are showing, he/she is free to go play.

I added a container for weekly chores such as clean bedroom, clean bathroom, sort and put away laundry, etc. Those sticks stay in the weekly container and once those sticks are color-side up, they stay that way until the week is done unless that chore needs done again before the week is up.

I added a "Good Deeds" container with golden sticks.  If a child chooses to do a good deed, she gets to move that stick color-side up to her container.  Good deeds are chores such as: help fold laundry, help make dinner, play a game with your sister, clean downstairs bathroom, pick up dog poop, etc.

Each child also has the option to do a chore for someone else.  It's considered a good deed and they can move that stick to their own container, color-side up. 

We have not really decided any incentives for these chore sticks.  Right now, their incentives are being able to go play and not be pestered by Mom, but ideas were being kicked around that if all the chores are done each day for the week, we'll go out for ice cream or do something fun.

We are on day 2 and so far, it's been very successful.  I would love ideas on how to keep the kids motivated to want to do their chores.  We can't always afford to give allowances but when the kids need something or want to do something special, they usually get it because they've done chores.  Any suggestions?

Just Gettin' Off This Crazy Ride!

As I was walking up 79 stairs in my bare feet holding a foam mat to ride down the Dolphin Dash water slide at Zoombezi Bay for the third time, it dawned on me that now that I'm out of this humongous whirlwind of a life, I haven't even blogged since Spring Break. My schedule became so full, I broke out into hives from the stress of having to be in 3 different places at once.  One Monday, my husband and I were sitting on the couch with no kids around and nothing to do, someone (meaning me, yes I'll admit) had the bright idea to go visit a gymnastics place.  The girls had been begging us for a long time to go back to gymnastics but we just haven't been able to afford it.  But this place offers fundraising so some or all of the cost could be relieved from out of pocket.  We liked the place so much, we signed on that night. What little did we know, the month of May was going to be the most stressful month we've ever had! We had school, gymnastics, cheer, Girl Scouts, camping, horseback riding, violin lessons, appointments and year-end parties all scheduled during the month of May.  Memorial Day weekend came and my schedule came to a screeching halt. The only thing we have going on now is gymnastics and cheerleading.

Introducing the newest members of Rock Solid Academy:

Marcella is on the gymnastics team...

And Ellen is on the "mini" cheerleading team...

Mondays through Thursdays in the evenings have been spoken for the next year of our lives.

My Happiness Project

My Happiness Project has taken the way-back burner.  I foresee changes and new opportunities coming my way very soon, though.  I signed my family up to help decorate the parade float for Rock Solid, I hope to join the parent team and compete in dance and I'm hoping to start a vegetable garden very soon.  That always makes me happy.  I finally nailed my front tuck on the trampoline, in which I had been a very big chicken over doing for years now.  When someone told me I was too old to be doing "that kind of crap", I made it a point to JUST DO IT and one day, I did.  I refuse to allow someone to call me too old to do anything and I won't let my children ever see me give up on something I'm too scared to do. I've been out there doing cartwheels and hand stands with my girls just to show them that Mom can still be "cool" and young.... at least young-at-heart.  I probably look like a fool and I really have no business tumbling around on a mat but I don't care.  I miss being a kid again.